So you want him back? Getting back together with an ex boyfriend after a breakup is not always easy. So many people don’t succeed in winning their ex back. It’s not really our fault. No one ever handed us an instruction book when we first started dating that taught us how to handle a breakup. Much less, how to get someone back after a breakup.. Here are five steps to help you win his heart back:

1. First of all, get rid of the self-pity. I know it’s hard not to feel down after a breakup, but you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have to be willing to be strong. Don’t let your emotion and especially depression keep you down. You can’t achieve a goal, if you can’t keep your emotions in check and your mind clear. Negativity sabotages your plans even before you put them into action.

2. Learn to accept the fact that the ‘way things were’ is over. Nothing you can do will ever change what is past. You can’t let your mind keep wandering into memories of ‘how it used to be’. Focus on what is going on now. If you realize that the relationship of the past wasn’t perfect you’re heading in the right direction and laying the foundation for you and your ex boyfriend to get back. Remember you are most likely glossing over all the bad stuff that happened. Remember that the breakup didn’t just happen overnight, so don’t expect to be able to patch things up in a day either.

3. Back off for a bit. There’s nothing less appealing to guys than a stalker. Especially ex boyfriends. You may want to seek comfort by hearing his voice or seeing his face, but if you really want him back, you must learn to give him space for a while. Don’t continuously call him, text message him, email him, or go to his place or where he hangs out just to see him. Give him time to realize he may have made a mistake. He may begin to actually miss you. It may actually be more difficult to get him back if you don’t give the time and space he needs after a breakup.

4. Treat yourself to a makeover. Get some new makeup and new clothes. Get a new hairstyle. If you’ve picked up a few pounds, start exercising and eating healthy. When you look good on the outside, you’re going to start feeling better about yourself on the inside. By feeling good on the inside you will be confident and happy. When you’re confident and happy, you will project this image to others. Nothing is more desirable to men than confidence. Your ex-boyfriend will definitely notice.

5. Wait. Healing takes time, and if you’ve followed the four steps the next time he sees you he will probably be sorry that he broke up with you. Keep your physical contact with him to a minimum, if you do see him. Seeing you looking your best and seeing that you’ve become confident and happy will make him desire you. If you limit your physical contact with him, this will drive him crazy. Don’t jump right back into another relationship with him, take it slow.